2012 has been a year of challenges for me. Through all the beginnings, endings, uncertainties and challenges, however, there is one thing that has remained consistent- the voice inside my head telling me to write. And that voice has been echoed by my friends, my family and God. It’s a powerful chorus. Trust me on that one.

After trying a variety of strategies- avoidance, procrastination, letting their calls go to voice mail, etc.- I have finally decided to surrender. I will write. It is my passion. It is what makes me happy. It is the gift that God gave me. I have no idea where it will take me (if anywhere) or what it will teach me, but I am learning that there is something to be said for not knowing what the next chapter holds– in writing and in life.

I must admit that a great deal of my hesitation arises out of fear– fear that no one will read what I write, fear that everyone will read what I write, fear that people won’t like what I write, fear that people will judge me, fear that people will think I am acting as though I have things all figured out when the reality is just the opposite.

But fear is stupid when it stops you from pursuing what you know in your heart is meant for you- whether that be a blog, a person or a career. Definitely a lesson of 2012 for me.

And when I think about those fears, I also think about why I love to write. And I realize that it is because of those fears- not in spite of them- that I must pursue my dream to write with everything I have. When I read something and it describes a feeling or experience I have had but never shared with anyone for fear that no one else would “get it,” I can literally feel a weight lifted from my soul. Good writing is incredibly powerful in that sense. It is the first person that talks to you at a party where you don’t know anyone. It is the friend that holds your hand when you are sad or scared. It is a fear banisher. It is the magic phrase “me too” that makes your heart smile.

I was (and am) absolutely in love with the books of Beverly Cleary and Judy Blume. I realize that many great books have been written since theirs. But I will always believe that these two women have done more to shape the lives of girls than anyone else short of their parents. I bonded with Ramona in our both having bossy older sisters (sorry Paige!). From Margaret of Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret I learned that I was not the only preteen who worried about having small boobs (but, unfortunately, I also learned that her “we must, we must, we must increase our busts” exercises were not the solution). From Blubber I learned that I wasn’t the only overweight kid to get bullied by her classmates. From Deenie I discovered that first kisses are not always magical like on television. And from Forever I learned… well, nothing, because my mother successfully confiscated every single copy of that book we ever got our hands on despite our creative and ever-changing hiding places. (No wonder I am such a disaster when it comes to matters of the heart.)

If I can write something and make someone have THAT feeling, then I have succeeded. So I will write. And I hope that you will read what I write and that there will be a sentence or a passage that will jump into your soul and shine light somewhere that has been dark for too long.